My Rhythm in Life...

A note to myself

2010-03-03T20:33:00.002+01:00

Alright probably no one reads this..but just a note to myself at 3:34AM on a Thursday morning...

It's about time to start the engine.

Time waits for no one.

It matters...

2010-02-04T17:03:00.002+01:00

Well...as the saying goes: 'result doesnt matter!'

but when result do matter, can matter and should matter, not just to you alone, you should really take it seriously..

say it only if you mean it! if it matters in any way then treat it like it ought to matter!

'result doesnt matter' isnt an excuse for not trying...it's much much deeper than just its surface meaning..

this sem result would matter more than it did in previous sem. there is a message to be brought across. it means something. so i am gonna treat it like it matters this sem...

sleep sleep still feel like sleeping...

2010-01-25T15:24:00.002+01:00

urgh...is this the feeling of pure tiredness or a lack of motivation? =S

rather tired today..i think just need abit more rest time..

need to rebalance my time le..apparently at the rate now i am not resting enough..

or maybe there is just too many things in my mind that i duno which to do first..it's hard to even list them down now..=S

geez...burning.................................................................

agr..and i ponned lecture today cos too shag to wanna waste my time going for a lect that i dun really need to go (at least for now when the content still easy)..gonna pon another lect tmr for mentoring prog..hmm....shucks..starting to wonder if i can cope...both physically and mentally..already dun really have mood for crap talk already...=/

heavy heavy head...fallssssss..

wassup..

2010-01-07T14:47:00.000+01:00

indeed..

wassup..lol

no other word describes this feeling better..

2010!

2010-01-01T19:30:00.002+01:00

Yeah! Happy New Year too all although it's 24 hrs late!

Din have time to update as the day was filled with dinner, driving ard, poker, more poker, sleep, dinner, out and finally home?

hahaha..see how i am always good in doing summary. xp

Alright shall update more again when got more time! noW need sleep first..=pP

x'mas eve...

2009-12-24T06:12:00.002+01:00

hate hate hate hate hate this feeling...

and hate to say i hate it too...

zzz...why dont people reflect and change for the better?

Or am i the only one that is getting irritated by all these?

Does anyone even care? I bet no one even know what i am talking about when everyone is 'guilty' of it..

crap..

It the one thing i always cant let go...yet it's also the one thing that irritates me most frequently..

Is letting go really the best way out? or issit just escaping the problem? haix..this is purely idiotic..from my point of view the only problem is just that no one bothers..so either those who dont bother start bothering..or those who bothers stop bothering?

it's not something that cant be solve..but why has it been bothering me for so many years...zzz..

the root of the prob - people are selfish. shoot and kill me ba. bang* bang* bang*

Updates

2009-12-21T14:29:00.002+01:00

Went back Cambodia - Sang Khem Youth Centre last week! Really quite glad that some kids there, even after 2 years, still remember my name! And they can call me before i call them! keke..
A pity though i din see my fav boy cos only stayed for 2 days there! But nonetheless, i left a note for him~ :)
And get to experience firing a manual American shot gun! woots..cool~

Before after the trip was just filled with work and my usual IMH volunteering stuff~ Gonna put up a live x'mas band performance this coming saturday! woohoo..quite interesting thou i must admit i was quite calefare..haha! Whoever is free can come join our mini celebration in the ward this saturday! :)

Kinda quite occupied day in day out..getting abit of car sick too driving around too much. haha. shall try to go public transport whenever possible and find some free time to clear my room and sort out some stuff!! :)

And arh..result supposed to be out tml i think! hmm..pray hard! haha..will tml be 见证奇迹的时候？ =O

don't know what to blog..

2009-12-03T03:56:00.002+01:00

suddenly feel like blogging but dont really know what to blog about..Oo..
exams will be over in like...8 hours time for me..somehow got a weirdly empty feeling now. strange..not like i have been very much absorbed in mugging lately also, wonder why i will have this kinda 失落感. hmm..

this hols..will be working at just-ed on mon,tues,thurs and fris other than the days i going cambodia and for the nyc course..it's a good thing i guess..earn some pocket money to tank my higher expenses? =O

Mayb exam time is actually a slacker period for me than after? wld that explain the weird feeling i am having now? hmm..anw so far so good for my papers..should be able to safely hold on to my words that 'exams doesnt affect my life' =pP..just need to secure this last paper later to conclude this semester! It's been a relatively slack sem for me~ brought the slackness back from exchange..haha..but prolly still lucky enough that i am not screwing up~!

is this the feeling of happy go lucky? haha~

船到桥头自然直!

:)

Love should be so beautiful...

2009-11-26T03:45:00.002+01:00

Yeah~
Love is so beautiful! And this should be the way eh?

FQ was saying I seem really happy. Then I told him something would be seriously wrong if I aint happy being attached right! kekex

**oh for those who dont know yet..dont worry you are just 2 days lag :)

I think i just found my right person at the right place in the right time~ though is 10 yrs late? (those who dont know the context just ignore it.=p )

Ok i shall not abuse my luck and go mug for my 4 more papers next week! Like i always believe exams shouldnt affect our life and i shall not let it affect my mood! (means no screw ups!) kekeke

:)

time when everyone is busy...

2009-11-17T17:53:00.003+01:00

i guess i have a very different perspective of life..maybe a more far sighted one..
living by the day just isnt my way of life..
yet..most ppl nowadays do so...

putting in economics term..i am an individual that practice consumption smoothing~~ i dont particularly enjoy troughs or crests in my life..and i like to smooth out things as much as i can foresee..

exams come and go every sem..it's already too foreseeable for me to leave it to the last minute. lol. mayb that's why i am especially bored during exam period sometimes..=/

big things small things..sometimes we should really plan ahead..at least give it a thought...whether u end up doing it or not shall leave it to fate. haha.

actually most things are much within our control..for everything else, have faith. :)

Mixed...

2009-11-13T19:51:00.001+01:00

2 rare feelings in one night..hmm...

Think i need to take a step back and regain my composure first..

*peace*

strange feeling...

2009-11-11T18:06:00.000+01:00

hmm...

what's everyone doing?

2009-11-04T15:11:00.002+01:00

hmm..i realise..i get kinda lost and minimised when i start to lose track of what people around me are doing. Conversely, when i see that everyone is moving on, is motivated, is determined in their endeavour..i will feel some energy flowing in me too!

i guess..i just cant live for myself.

leave me aimless for a while and i will start thinking abt random stuff..haha. every short episode of life, we are just trying to find some little short term goal to fill it up.

So..what do you want to achieve next?

hmm...

Decision..

2009-10-29T09:43:00.002+01:00

Shall just stick to 4 wheels and be happy with it. I think bike is not for me. Shall save some money..for rainy days...

And with that decision made, i suddenly feel it's time to get back to what i am good at. Time to start mugging without a doubt. *determined*

Looking back, everytime i decided to give up on something, my result shows..

Sem1: Decided to quit bball training ---> 5.0
Sem2: Busy with IMHope stuff ---> 4.7
Sem3: Decided to stop my keyboard lesson ---> 5.0
Sem4: Exchange ---> N.A.
Sem5: Decided to stop learning bike ---> ???

Maybe it's a form of subconcious compensation to myself for quiting something, so i work doubly hard and be extra focus. Wonder if the same thing will happen again this sem..hmm..CAs are almost all over, left finals to work for. Din do that great for CA..but wads done cannot be undone~

Anyway i did realise something in the process..that is that if you wanna do something out of interest and for fun, it shouldnt ever come with a cost..tangible or intangible. When the cost out weighs the initial interest, the purpose is lost.

Genuinely full time mugger from now on..(when i am in school though, doesnt change the fact that i cant study at home)..dont even need to worry about IMHope stuff, no thinking about wasting money on failing bike lesson, no more projects and everything is in my own hands now..

i realise too, i do best in things where pure efforts count..and that's what i am going to do..

Jiayou bah..

Thou' cant do work at home...

2009-10-18T13:27:00.002+02:00

Saya tidak boleh belajar di rumah~

Can study at home! haha..

Alright..one more week without any decent work done! whoa..i guess i am slowly getting used to such life even in SG le..hmm..or maybe there isnt anything really urgent yet..or maybe this semester's modules were really too 'easy' such that i din even feel like i need to do much work..=0

Well..such doesnt apply to me only though..because statistics for 3 of my midterms shows more than 40 people getting full marks and on average about 100+ people getting higher score than me...when actually i thought i was doing quite ok already with 27/30, 28.5/30 and 50/60...hmm...

Oh well..not that it is really bothering me much..cos i am already quite happy with my 'raw results' considering my half hearted mugging for midterms..=D

But then again..it wld really feel sucky if you get an A- or something worse when u only get 1 or 2 MCQ wrong though..hmm..

Hope finals would be more difficult! :o

Time to start studying in school soon~ =)

*moderately motivated*

Coping with life: lesson no. 1

2009-10-12T15:57:00.002+02:00

"Don't just think about yourselves."

When you start to learn to think for others, think in other people's shoe, you are able to see your own lives from a 3rd person POV.

It's amazing, and when you think about it at a deeper level, a lot of things about yourselves, seriously, doesnt really matter. They only matter and start bothering you because you are so occupied with your own existence..only.

Look around, talk to people, understand people around you. Maybe you will start to realise that all your personal worries, fears, stresses are so insignificant.

Chill...relax...take it easy..life is simple. it just goes on no matter what happen =)

10102009

2009-10-10T21:06:00.003+02:00

Whoa..celebrating birthday 3 times in 24 hours is really...unforgettable..

Dont really know what to say..just a BIG THANK YOU to all who remember my bday, be it on facebook, sms, msn, call or in person!!

And a new spaulding basketball! cool! long time no play le! =D

Heartfelt gratitude..it's a day I wun forget..:))

good days ahead to all!!

Terima Kasih! =D

not such a pleasant day...

2009-10-08T16:42:00.002+02:00

Arg..elearning week..but i am not learning the modules..lol..

Screw ups in life:
1) Failed my first bike lesson this morning..-.-''
2) Think i lost my driving license..dunno when but I cant find it and dont even remember the last time using it...

Craps..

And i realised..or rather was reminded by myself that...although i passed my driving in one try..i actually had more lessons and spent more money under private instructor than some people who learn in school..hmm..i guess i aint really mechanically inclined..lolx. so glad i wasnt in engine..haha

geees..need to set aside more money for bike lesson i guess..hopefully pass le make new license wun lose again? =o

Just feel quite sian now..it's sad when you are stuck with certain harsh reality in life..as a matter of fact..i am really just learning bike for 'fun' and to gain a new skill that might come in handy next time..but the fact that every practical lesson cost money..and every lesson is 'graded' pass or fail..somehow the fun begin to turn into a sucky feeling...and of course..failing the very first lesson when most people wldnt have problem with doesnt really help..=/

It's all in the mind..just enjoy the process..if it's that easy this issue wldnt have bothered me for so long..

life if full of constraints and limitations..if i have unlimited money to throw into the lessons..or unlimited free time to take lessons..or more extreme even if i crash also wldnt injure..maybe i can really enjoy the whole process of learning more readily..

Despite the seemingly smooth and 'successful' life I have so far...my mind i really weak..no matter how much i try to convince myself that there is no point feeling angry or upset over unpleasant things sometimes...there is just no way to curb these feelings..

Or maybe..trying to use the mind to convince the heart is a wrong move altogether..

So then..how can you develop a strong mind and a firm heart?

Really kinda hate some of the negative emotions that really screws up people life..u can actually feel so sian over such a small thing like failing a bike LESSON when it's just cost at most a weekday kbox session..and misplacing the driving license when i dun even usually bring it out or use it..

I guess it all boils down to expectation...when things that you dont expect to happen happen..u just get irritated..blame others, blame the society...but most of the time you take half the blame for conforming. No one points a knife at you and force you to conform to these expectations..they just, reward you for conforming..it's you yourself that is greedy and fall for higher and higher expectations..

And the sad thing is..knowing all these..we are still doing it and getting ourselves pissed off for not achieving..

damn...

Logic and Reasoning..

2009-10-04T16:49:00.003+02:00

If you are really sane enough you should understand that insanity is part and parcel of life..

Haha..it's not that I am too logical or what, i just feel that things as relationship should be considered as a matured and responsible manner eh?

And to quote from peifen's msn nick last time: "Rejection requires no reason because love requries complete acceptance.."

Somehow, i just cant find my complete acceptance yet. lolx. so nth to being too logical or wad..haha..in fact, if i had been so logical, according to my personality, i would love to have settled down and lead a 'peaceful' life like a cck. xD

The logical me tells me that love can be cultivated..but the ideal me says that somewhere out there, there must be a perfect someone that I can completely accept?

Let's just see how long I can afford to wait..hahaha! xD

pleasant day~

2009-10-01T18:30:00.002+02:00

Today seem to have gone quite well!

Morning went to register for my 2B course! yay! vroom vroom! Booked lessons for next week! =D

Then went to school for midterms..EC2101..well..EC EC EC EC EASY! haha. maybe can get my first ever full marks in uni! =O

Then decide to pon FIn2004..ops..never got webcast..haha..and went back BBDC for this 'compulsory' briefing on the booking system etc..nth much.

Home! and Conquered China! lolx. Seems like that's gonna mark the end of my gaming for a while? :)

Heard something nice from Karthika just now. Something that the sister in the ward mentioned. Something along the line that I know IMH very very well and bringing the residents out will be alright as long as I think it's alright? =0 haha..really din know that I actually warrant so much trust from them~ Though of course it's not just about me but rather all the other volunteers that have been around for many years~ :)Thought I would share this here, esp to jh also (the others dun read my blog lolx), cos this trust extents to you as well!

Every little bit count..somehow it feels good to know it. :)

Gambatte! Probably time to start appreciating the fact that I have the free time to learn what I wanna learn now and learn them well while I can. :)

That's it for ROTK11. =/

tidak boleh tidur...

2009-09-27T18:52:00.002+02:00

cant sleep..got 2 midterms later..
sometimes it's really hard to let go..
the more you achieve, the harder it is..

and as the saying goes, god is fair..
no matter how well off anyone seem to be doing, everyone has their own troubles..something that no one else can understand..

if there is a perfect person..
i would say he/she is someone that is genuinely trouble free and happy..
the closest to this ideal, is perhaps Yon (叶) in shaman king. haha.

And as i am telling js...if i really get 6A+ it would really be no life..lolx..but think again, not as if i am doing anything else more meaningful whilst i am not studying..*like trying to conquer china in sango11..=/

sometimes i really hope i can get a wake up call from somewhere...sometimes i dont really like this half awake state of mine. maybe doing things half heartedly just isnt my style..

when you slack enough and you look back..sometimes you feel like you wasted alot of time back then..
when you mug too much and you look back..sometimes you feel like you have no life..
when you volunteer too much and you look back..sometimes you feel like you need some time for yourself..

and when you have too much free time and you look around..you feel like you rather have something to do..

so then...what should we do?

stop thinking and go to bed...=/

Perfection or not..

2009-09-25T06:35:00.002+02:00

If perfection really exists, must we strive for it?

Sometimes always striving for perfection is quite difficult also.

Whilst striving for perfection our sight become narrower.

This is not perfection.

茫茫人生

2009-09-20T18:46:00.002+02:00

人生愿逢知己好友，别无所求。

人生中究竟还缺少了什么呢？

原动力该从何而发呢？

对自己的要求是否也是一种奢求？

我在茫茫人生中依然寻找着我要走的路。。。

update...

2009-09-10T17:13:00.000+02:00

so far..so busy..haha.
busy living up to my own expectations.
sometimes, my life can be so much simpler if i just decide to live with it.

anyway, it's a cycle. ups and downs, motivated and unmotivated, better do things when you feel like doing thme before the motivation is gone. there's really nth to lose since time flies on its own even if you dont do anything, so might as well do something.

budden, although i am capable of doing many things alone..there are just some things that you can achieve on your own. maybe u can influence..but it's really not that easy. and it's really not in my character to do so. haha.

just do the best i can on my own bah. sometimes working hard silently alone is quite a refreshing feeling too.

一个人默默耕耘其实也不错。

finding peace within myself..(though lecturers can get irritating with last minute assignments and unclear instructions and expectations..lol.)

2009-08-27T18:28:00.001+02:00

cant even enjoy what i used to enjoy in peace?

人老了。。真的没斗志了。。

sometimes..just feel there is a need for a change..but i dont know how....=/

sighs...

ideally..or realistically?

2009-08-21T19:13:00.002+02:00

sigh...

cant help it but feel life is getting too complicated while humans are getting too simplistic..

i feel i have changed quite abit..now that i look back..i was really quite simple and innocent in the past..even just yesterday..

have i succumbed to reality? or have i just seen and experienced too much and grew too 'wise' for my own liking...

somehow..i prefer the me 1-2yrs ago...so many things, that i would do then..no longer even pass my thoughts now..i have turned...soooooooo 'practical' in a way i myself dont even like...

向命运低头？ or 向现实低头？

i am starting to dislike myself...the me now that tries to siam all unnecessary work...no longer the same old helpful me...no longer the me that even i myself respect (自恋..lolx) sometimes.

so what if i really get 6A+ this sem...so what if i really have more time to play my keyboard, learn my malay well and more free time to play game? i wonder...will i really be happier that way?

then again..doing so much other stuff...is anyone else really better off from all the time and effort that i am putting in? is anyone even really appreciating, even if they dun say it out? i wonder...

but at least back then i din really feel the 'cognitive dissonance' when i was putting all my time doing things i promised to do..and sticking with my principles...

my mind seems to be deviating from my soul...my passion, my ideals, my drive, my dedication, the me yesterday, the me one yr ago, the me two yrs ago...where are you??

sometimes i already feel i have all i can achieve already..so what more am i expecting?

where are my realistic ideals and my ideal reality?

sighx...

memorising or familiarising

2009-08-16T19:06:00.000+02:00

if you memorise something...you will eventually forget about it when you dont need it anymore..

but if you make yourself familiar with something...even few yrs down the road when you see the same thing again, you will still remember..

sometimes, it's just a matter of a change in perspective and a slight change in the way you do things.

small changes can make big differences..why not give it a try and change for the better? =)

bit by bit..i am finding my own rhythm in life..

brain working again..:)

2009-08-11T15:26:00.000+02:00

Quote:

“天下大乱，就是由野心引起的。”

that's why i dont like to dream big...but..

“真忠臣，要把权压下奸臣。”

otherwise all the good people will just slowly die off...

It is perhaps directed towards the wars and chaos in the past, but i think it takes another form of its own even today...the question is: "what do people see the world today as?" You can easily live and die without making any significant impact to the world. It may just be something that isnt worth saving to most people, or rather not at the expense of individual gains. Maybe it's true to some extent..just let nature takes its course..if humans are meant to walk towards our own downfall, together with mother earth or not...so be it...

"One person alone cannot change the world" - L

尽力而为, 死而无憾....i guess it's all a matter of perspective. everything i mean. There is no real right or wrong...and when u start to think that way...sometimes you just dont feel like trying to convince people or sell something..but...you should at least have something you believe in.

I am glad i hasnt fall into the absolute neutrality stage yet i guess. At least, i am still a firm supporter of hardwork and effort. To me...hardworking people never fail to touch me..and it reminds me of another quote previously..

“花漂亮，是应为不管在什么环境下都不屈不挠的开放着...”

The beauty in life, comes from the every little thing people do everyday..

“活着，能做更多更有意义的事。”

live on...

Okay it's getting more and more random..haha..but just finding back some things i believe in..the source of my self motivation. :)

lalala...

Freedom, Peace, Appreciation...

2009-07-30T20:39:00.000+02:00

What kind of life do i want? Sometimes i wonder...and so far most of the time i chose to stay put with my current way of life. Hanging out with frens, doing meaningful work, having random commitments when i feel like it, enjoying studying in the library every now and then, no obligations to do things that i dont feel like doing, no expectations that is too much for me to handle..just purely...relaxing..

Maybe it's the kind of conflict that yon in shamanking faces...the kind of person that just wanna slack and enjoy life having to handle such big responsibilities..

But my life is still incomplete..and i was telling js that come yr4 mayb everyone will start scrambling and panicking for still being single..lol..less those that have always been trying hard. haha. good luck! :)

I am probably scare of stepping out of my comfort zone bah..or perhaps just the kind of dont wanna make the same 'mistake' ever again feeling..or mayb i am trying to 'pay off' my bad kharma first..haha..but that sounds kinda too cool for me. lolx.

Anyway..i suppose the most impt thing for now is to find someone to hand over my IMHope stuff to! hahaha! Any interested person reading my blog now? lolx..

Next sem..should be able to be 120% focus..woosh...let me get my 6A+ first...=D

One life..live it the way you want! No looking back, no regrets, no emos! Be glad you are alive, appreciate what you can do and enjoy what you are doing! :)

Chalet!

2009-07-26T18:53:00.003+02:00

Just came back from IMHope chalet~ ok..that was like 12 hrs ago..haha..cos just woke up not long ago..=p

I thought it was fun! Though i din really planned any activities except the bbq food, i am glad that everyone were able to entertain themselves quite well! whaha..that's one reason why i like to hang out with all my volunteer frens~ :)

Alright..next few weeks shld be quite relax bah..only bidding and some helping out here and there..keke..nothing much i need to take charge of for a while (unless session resumes :O). But either way probably some time to take things easy~ lalala..before school starts again!! =O

Bidding bidding...it's round 1A today! dont forget guys! lolx.

cheers~

think in another way...

2009-07-17T21:21:00.003+02:00

i need the world...or at least the part of it that is around me.

i guess there is just so many reasons you can think of...but ultimately, the only truthful one is none other than everything for yourselves.

think about doing everything for yourselves. especially if you are 'giving' or 'volunteering'. no matter what you do, you are not doing for free. if you feel good from doing something, then you are gaining too.

i guess i have been too indulge in the act of 'giving' and 'helping'..so much so that i forgot i am a human too.

休息是为了走更长远的路。

i think i said this before. sometimes we really need to take a break and reflect upon what we are doing/ have been doing...

feeling the motivation and the soul of my life back again...this time i shall handle them with care. haha..shall not abuse myself anymore. =o

cheers..

late night entry. cant sleep. but feeling refresh. :)

i dont like this feeling..

2009-07-16T15:38:00.001+02:00

the world can do without me..

just let it be..

shall find a new way to lead my life...

ultimately in life...

2009-07-15T20:05:00.002+02:00

i want to be able to do as i wish without needing the help of anyone.

right now i am happy with what i am doing...just that sometimes asking people to help can be quite difficult.

dont like the feeling of 'i owe you something' because you are helping. dont like to 'force' ppl to do things. hate it when it seems like it is my responsibility to do certain things. hate it when i am taken for granted just because i am always taking the initiative.

shall try to involve myself less in doing things that need people to help. then i will never need to expect anything from anyone.

towards complete independence! woosh!

As weak as ever...

2009-07-14T18:07:00.002+02:00

Ultimately...still beaten...by my own expectations..

Some comments just get into me, even if unintended....

At least it just proven my own philosophy...there is no point forcing or even attempting to psycho people to do what they dont like...even if they do out of obligation or what not...no one will be happy..

Suan le..i am tired too...it's so much easier to live life on my own...

Shall not repeat the same thing more than once ever again...if no one is interested, then why bother...lolx.

Days ahead...

2009-07-06T18:03:00.002+02:00

hmm...i suppose this holiday is reasonable packed for me. somewhat, the right amount of things to do? haha. good or bad, but probably because there is no IMH session on saturdays for the time being due to H1N1, else i will probably be 'overloaded' again as usual. =o

speaking of still being the same in the previous entry..mayb i did change abit. i think i am able to see myself from a 3rd person point of view better now. such that i know when to take a break, when to work, when to slack, when to volunteer and more importantly when to say no. haha. earlier on, i only know how to say no to drinking, smoking, jaywalking and downloading. lolx. things that are 'wrong' to me. anything that i feel is 'right' and 'meaningful' i will never say no, unless i really cannot make it.

i think the best thing i learnt from my stay in manchester is to appreciate what i get to do back in singapore. and for that, i seem to be able to balance my life abit better now. hope this kinda feeling will last, and not disappear when school starts and work piles. haha.

can i sustain this stressless feeling of delicate balance between work and life? next sem will be the true test. ;)

cheers~

The same old feeling...

2009-07-02T16:25:00.002+02:00

Hmm...seems like i haven really grown up much since before i went for exchange.

Getting the same old feeling of sian-ness after certain amount of work and 'self-irritation' when things doesnt go smoothly.

Perhaps it's really the situation that shapes one's feelings and emotions. It's a familiar feeling, and i cant seem to get rid of it completely no matter how much i dont like it. I know it will come and go, but is it really impossible for it not to come at all? hmm...

Work-life balance..there seem to be a missing element still. I did work, i did play, so what's lacking that still makes me feel so empty at times..=x

I wonder..maybe i really just need a simpler life without so much involvement. Sometimes the more you do, the more you feel it could have been done without you. Back in manchester i was really almost free of any sort of involvements/commitments..while i feel bored at times, at least i am really free of worries. Life was utterly simple. eat, sleep, dota. lolx. meaningless survival, but at least i am living in peace.

Not complaining or anything. just thinking. the same question as always. what do i really want in my life. i can achieve a lot of things, but do i really want to? am i missing out some other impt things while doing what i am doing now? hmm...a tough question as usual. maybe i should live a period free of commitments in singapore and see if that's what i want. since back in manchester i cant do much even with the abundance free time. here at least i might be able to find more meaning for myself if i free up some time and energy.

hmm...

home feels the same as ever!

2009-06-25T19:53:00.003+02:00

Wah! been too busy since i came back from manchester that i almost forgot i got a blog! =O

16 June - 6pm, finally touched down on changi airport after a gruelling 13 hours flight! not forgetting my first ever experience of faulty plane u-turning back to manchester airport, missing the transfer flight at london and got refunded new tickets to fly back from paris! all within the 20 hrs before i am finally back!

17 June - my first L4D session with the guys + ml and bc. quite interesting. followed by jux camp briefing in school

18 June - 21 June - Juxtapose camp 09!! Best camp i had so far! While the group is as good as last yr's the program is definitely much better (partly becos i missed part of last yr's camp as it overlapped with cac camp)~ =)

22 June - The long awaited mahjong session. Thanks for coming my house and win $9.90 from me. ck,sk and des...Went to just ed and watched jh rehearse his wu jian dao at nite.

23 June - Went to Changi Village broad walk and recce for residents outing with Rank and Apple. Hope we will be able to go back for sessions soon. :(

24 June - the competition..jh got second. $30. not bad. =D first time drive other people's car oso, piccanto. small. party world..cui-ed..cant sing. =0

25 June - rendered extra at Singaproe Kindness Movement (SKM) AGM. became member of SKM. Free refreshments. thanks to jun. watched drag me to hell. lame show. lame storyline. lame ending. =O

26 June - ???

lol. Feels so different and so at home. back to my busy life but i am loving it. haha. nv need to worry about having nth to do =D

cheers~

Last Night at Manchester

2009-06-14T21:42:00.002+02:00

Hmm..finally, the day has come, to leave this place that brought me lots of new experiences in this 4 months. cant say for sure if i would miss this place, but right now i just cant wait to go back singapore~ cheers~

While packing, i realise i did quite a lot of things down here that i wouldnt have done if i were in singapore. maybe i am kinda antisocial here, but i really loved the free time that i had to myself, to play around with photoshop, draw, sketch and even created like 30 pages of my own manga. haha. how interesting.

Going back to my familiar ground tml, familiar faces, home. this 4 months might well be the slackest/free-est 4 months in my life. but i am not missing it. i appreciate this 4 mths, for it brought more meaning to the life that i used to lead.

I dont mind having time for myself now and then, but i think i still prefer to hang out with my close frenz, even if it's dota-ing every day. =>

life is not just about urself.
your meaning in life depends on how much you mean to people around you.

=>

speak up or shut up?

2009-06-07T21:56:00.002+02:00

how do people differentiate between destruptive criticism and contructive comments?

sometimes reading news..or rather public's comments on news can be quite irritating. i wonder if it's just me or it's the nature that things are. people who are kb cant shut up..while the opposite dont speak up. maybe...just maybe..people who speak before they think tend to give extreme comments..while those that think before they speak realises that there is no point arguing with them. lolx.

i suppose it's also a skill to give comments. sometimes i just feel that there is no point screaming out the truth even if you are right, less others are willing to take it in. otherwise, those words will just become meaningless criticism that stir conflicts.

words are amazing thing that human creates. it can motivate, can inspire, can be use to communicate and can also to record. but it can also easily create conflict, can hurt people, or even kill...

if you think it matters, then choose your words wisely. otherwise, shut up. lolx.

Living around..

2009-06-03T04:09:00.003+02:00

Literally just 'living' around these few days. Dota now and then, read manga, eat, sleep. Not studying. Is this so called 'life'? I wonder. Sometimes you just yield for such 'relaxing' period, but when you get too much of it it becomes meaningless. Is this why people just can't stop moving forward?

Been thinking all along, what really does appreciating something means. I thought i should try to appreciate what i have and don't complain so much, yet there are always times when you just get sick of things, like now, getting sick of all these 'meaningless' days. And when they are gone, you will look back and think 'if only...'. Sighx..mayb humans are just greedy creatures, no wonder greed is one of the 7 sins in man. You just want a taste of everything..abit here abit there, more of everything, and when u have enuff of one thing u want something else again. =s

I use to see it as a form of balance, that too much of anything is no good. But then again sometimes i just feel like indulging myself in extremes as well. Like try to do your very best and see what's the best grades you can get, slack till you cant slack anymore and see how much motivation you can build up when things are burning your ass...or even join/help in so many things that you are too busy to think of anything else..

Maybe we are just FJ. lolx.

Seems to me that there is really no 'real' meaning in life. You can interpret in whatever way you like, coz we can think, we have emotions, so surviving along is not enough to satisfy us, unlike other living things.

I wonder when i can find my own meaning in life. hmm..

Everyone dies eventually. Life is a matter of what you do while you live.

FE Saga..

2009-05-26T21:33:00.000+02:00

it's a joke. lol.

My only source of confidence..

2009-05-21T09:53:00.001+02:00

dilligence..

that's all i have been relying on.

*nervous max-ed now*

pray...

blessmi

Failing is not an option..

2009-05-19T21:30:00.001+02:00

Just need to do what i need to do.

The time has finally arrived.

First paper in 37 hours time...

blessmi

brainless...

2009-05-16T16:03:00.001+02:00

degenerated...

can no longer use my brain for substantial amount of time..

boring...

unmotivated still..=x

thou' have no comments...

2009-05-11T19:04:00.002+02:00

Opinions are the root of all conflicts. Why is the education system stressing on the importance of forming your own opinions, own arguments out of what you see and observe? As long as you have your own opinion, there is bound to be someone with an opposing view. So...does that mean the one who can argue the best is right? And erm...so what if you win the argument? Does it change the fact that the person still believes otherwise, just that maybe he/she is less able to articulate in a confrontment? And finally, do you even need to voice out your own opinion in the expense of others' discomfort even?

conflicts, war, terrorism, arguments, disagreements...are but just some of the negative things from having too much of an opinion of your own.

Is a truly peaceful and 'conflict-less' society really impossible? i wonder. Anything extreme is probably no good i guess. whether it's extreme conflict or extreme peace - that has no room for opinions and improvements.

And why, must everyone aim for the top? Power struggle. Greed. Pride. People at the top don't want to come down, and people below wanna go up. If someone goes up, someone else must come down. If everyone up keeps climbing up, the peak will only get higher and higher. There is simply no room for satisfaction.

Let's just be happy at Ground floor. If it's too crowded can go B1 or B2.

Why can't everyone appreciate what you have, forget about what you don't have and live your own life without any negative opinions on other things/people.

Can't help but keep thinking that humans are mostly evil. Brings me back to one of the quote earlier - If you don't like something, change it. if you can't, learn to live with it. Don't complain.

Now then, i dun like the ugly side of humans, i cant change it, i am kinda complaining right now. So probably i need to learn to live with it? haha..

geez...

existence...

2009-05-11T02:33:00.002+02:00

suddenly feel so meaningless...

dunno what i am doing anymore..

my mind seems to be tired of the world...

of humans..

zzZz....

if only i can fast forward time...

Thoughts again..

2009-05-08T11:38:00.002+02:00

Something random..

Pragmatism can only bring you as far as what you have seen/heard.
But it's idealism that beings miracles.

Seeing is believing, but believing is knowing without the need to see.

Ok back to my notes..lol.

Chapter 2: The Devil Academy

2009-05-04T00:05:00.005+02:00

Yada! Chapter 2 is out!
This time is 100% hand drawn (except first and last page) + some photoshop edits~ ^^

Ok some of the pages might seem quite skimpy sketching, partly because i am rushing to complete this chapter so that i can start studying (yes i still need to study...even though i am on exchange..-.-')

And erm..well..also still trying out to see if sketching with pencil and digitalizing them using photoshop will work out..first 2 pages with more shadings and the rest became more and more freestyle sketching..lol..(shadings takes a bit more time..xD)

And page 8 i tried to do away to drawing background at all and just fill color with photoshop..lol! another lazy trick..but i think it looks abit wierd..hahaha~

Well..at least i hope the characters look more or less the same throughout this one chapter..xD do they?

Still fiddling around with doing all these..but time to take a break and start muggin! roar..will probably just doodle out the story outline for the next few chapters first as and when i am tired from mugging though..haha..

mugging starts tomorrow!

Forlorn Bless + Devil Minieye

2009-05-01T16:55:00.002+02:00

My Main Character is borned on Labor Day!

Cheers~

Chapter 1: The Tragedy of Evolution

2009-04-29T18:49:00.006+02:00

**Disclaimer**
90% of the art in this chapter are not my own (from google image search and random sources). Merely doing photoshop edits while trying to craft my story out of them.
Basically only the winged devil is 100% my work..lolx..my devil despair..hoho..

Maybe i am just too free for now..but i thought it would be nice to express my own world view in my favourite art form - manga! This first chapter is just an intro..so i decided not to draw too much and photoshopped images instead. Also trying to see how it will turn out before putting my pencils on the real deal..xd

I am not even sure if i can make out a next chapter with just pure drawing though..let's see how it goes..and it's gonna be a lifelong endeavour! (amidst studies and work etc.. xD)

blessmi.

Quote

2009-04-25T16:44:00.002+02:00

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.
Maya Angelou
US author & poet
If i were to modify it abit..it goes:

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it - and have faith.

Kinda goes well with the way my mind works. just lacking the faith to prevent the cyclicality of my thoughts though.

Still too immature.

lol.

decisions..

2009-04-23T09:23:00.002+02:00

i wonder if you can make decisions with your heart..in another words follow your heart.

i suppose it comes with a price though, such as the lost of rationality for optimal outcome.

but then again, it depends on what you regard as 'optimal' in life. some may feel that to be able to follow your heart and do whatever you feel like doing is already an optimal thing. while happy or not is another thing altogether, at least you wouldnt regret, or would you?

what is regret anyway? you can regret upon almost anything isn't it? even if u follow ur heart you might well regret why you din follow your rational thoughts, and vice versa. there's just no way to eliminate possibility of regrets later..or is there?

the way i am seeing it now, is simply to make your decisions bearing all the foreseeable consequences in mind. even if you are doing so with your heart, it doesnt hurt adding a tinge of rationally to analyse the drawbacks of your decisions. if it's a go ahead regardless, then you have no reason to regret because you already decided against regretting before you embark.

now then, being able to think rationally is definitely not a bad thing. because rationality allows you to see a clearer picture of things. that being said, you dont really have to act rationally though, because rational thinking is just part of decision making process, and there are intangibles beyond rationality that might be worth considerations.

hmm..oh well..am i trying to rationalise irrationality here? =x

i think i am probably naturally suited to do philo, instead of business. erpz..then again my rationality seemed to served me well in business so far though. yet i simply hate socialising, so it's all wrong afterall. oh well, there is nothing to regret about though, coz i chose business knowing that i am not suited for it, simply becoz it seemed the slackest and most general thing NUS can offer..at least to me. haha.

i feel i am thinking..or perhaps i think i am feeling it..hmm..

interesting.

dark and light..

2009-04-21T21:43:00.002+02:00

just thinking...

whenever you have light, it's natural there will be shadows casted on the dark side. so, if you are a person, how can you remain free from these shadows (the dark side of urself)? hmm..well..basically you can either stay away from the light completely and isolate urself from everything..or you can simply adapt and try to be 'transparent'?

put it differently, it's either you stay isolated or stay indifferent.

isolation conforms to escapism though, as you simply avoid what you dont like. while being indifferent is probably not that easy either.

hmm...i think i have always tried to be indifferent, but occasionally retreats to isolation when there is simply too much to take. guess it's all about experience. i might think alot but that doesnt mean i see alot or understand any of them.

i guess it's still too early for me to throw myself into complete darkness..if there is even one that is.

let's just live on the way it is..and see what may come up next..

life goes on, even if i haven found my answer yet..

time to do some work...tomorrow..=p

Humans..

2009-04-21T01:10:00.002+02:00

..are so going to drive themselves to extinction...together with every other life-form on Earth..

for now i am quite certain about that.

Every single human being is selfish..

Get the best out for urself, even if it means ripping off every single person/thing around you..

only humans can even think of the word 'leverage'..right, and i am actually learning when to leverage another company in supply chain management.

crap..

so far, i hasnt seen a single human, and i really mean not a single soul, that can put their own self interest aside, and spare some thoughts for others, for other things..

it's either just about having fun, gaining advantage, making use, leveraging, cant be bothered blar blar blar all around...

Like how my neighbours are blasting some movie, talking so loudly now..that i cant really sleep in peace though i am quite shag from reading 'Liar Game' almost the whole day today..

And that was just an insignificant example of what i am feeling from many other things right now..

Sometimes it's just sickening how self centered and interest driven people can be..which is why i prefer to do thing alone. The less human contact the better for me. For i can only see the dark side of human nature...awful stuff to me..perhaps just natural to others though.

And for that matter, i dont like to make friends. for soft and weak personality of mine will only end up being made used of...and now even people i dont even know is trying to leverage from my 'kindness'. crap.

How screwed can humans be...little things in life...is personal satisfaction the only purpose to everyone? if that's the case then humans may well just all die and be extinct. for even a dog knows how to appreciate, and they genuinely do, not just through words...

It doesnt do any good to be too smart..being too smart for your own good. if being smart means knowing how to stay happy all the while...then i am probably an idiot. coz i am too easily irritated and bewildered by people around me...

humans being social creatures eh? i guess it is just a mean of making use of one another to achieve your own satisfaction..

and i really feel it sucks to be human as i am typing this now...

humans are hopeless..at least from my experience so far that is.

let's all just go to hell together...maybe at least Earth will be a better place.

lol.

Back to school?

2009-04-19T16:20:00.005+02:00

Hmm...i wonder if i can say that. oh well..i guess slack school is still considered school? haha

didnt have any 'revelation' this time..or maybe i just decided that whatever i might decide in one instant may easier be overridden by something else a while later, or in some other circumstances..making it quite meaningless in a sense.

no point being so sure about something you know that's gonna be changed afterall..and my own thoughts and feelings seem to just fall right for that.

anyway, some short clips i took along the trip..

At Lisbon (Portugal)

At Madrid (Spain)

Cant be sure about most things in life, even your own blattering, feelings and thoughts. But shall try to make the best out of all these uncertainties. Let's just live the day as life goes on..

simple, enriching and meaningful life is just what i need. :)

cheers~

Easter Break time!

2009-04-05T22:14:00.002+02:00

Going to Lisbon tomorrow larh!

Cheers~

Coming back on the 18th Apr.

Good luck to all chionging deadlines!

*i honestly quite miss the kind of life back in SG, where you dont need to worry about not having anything to do and sleeping more than enough is a luxury. :x*

cheers~

i agree..

2009-04-04T22:55:00.002+02:00

Politics? Not for me

incomplete...

2009-04-03T17:54:00.002+02:00

i have been thinking every night since i came to manchester. while i have the time and freedom from work and stress, i would really like to figure out what is life about, and what i am lacking to complete it. but the more i think, the further i seem to get from the 'answer'. is there really 'one' answer? i wonder. maybe, maybe not. does it matter? i wonder.

if life is just about the times when you are alive, it seems too shallow for me.

if life is more than your own era and stretches to your future generations, it begins to get too ambiguous and far fetch for me.

if life is just about yourself, it appears too selfish to me.

if life emcompasses people close to you, it becomes too difficult to me.

how should i define my life? i wonder. there are so much uncertainties, yet there is one thing i am so sure about. i have to move on, we all have to move on. time wait for no one.

life goes on.

i hope i can really sort out some stuff before i go back to singapore. i dont like to live a day-to-day live without knowing what i am doing. the time here shall not be wasted. though i cant accomplish anything substantial here, i will, at least, return with a clearer, wiser mind.

Fools' Day...

2009-04-01T12:48:00.003+02:00

Stupid fire alarm rang 4 times in the past 30 hours...and at gay timings of 2am, 10pm, 5am and 630am...-.-'''
But I wasnt really quite irritated though..for various reasons..especially when you really have nothing important or even much not important stuff to do the next day..sleep was just mandatory, and some disturbance to it became forgiven easily. And i finally got to see every one in my flat! and in fact many other people in the same building..even one guy from the neighbouring block who woke up and came down to join the fun..lol..
Some april fool joke by the faulty alarm in one of the flat i suppose..

And I cant help myself from looking back while reading jh's emo blog..the only one time so far that i gave up a dream of mine. But i am not regretting though, since quitting the bball team was inevitable at that time, and i was convinced enough to do it then. Just wonder how my life would be very different if i had chosen to walk on that path...alone. I guess at least i made up for it as i promised to myself. Made full use of the time that i was supposed to be on the court on many other meaningful things like NVAC projects - SANG KHEM, IMHope, CON AMORE, JUXTAPOSE, or even helping out slightly in CAC camp..and of course all the mugging that jh deem as 'inhuman' concentration? hmm..i think if competitive bball has still been part of my uni life, it would be my priority and i would probably be at the court more than in the library bah. Well to be more specific, I think this determination comes simply from 'not wanting to have any regrets'? I din wanna regret quiting, so i made sure i fully utilize whatever extra time that came out from it...I din wanna regret doing the stupid special sem, so i made sure i pull my grades back to my desired level...I din wanna regret at the end of 4 yrs, going to work everyday thinking that i could have gotten a few hundred $ more each month if i have studied harder, so i am gonna make sure i get A+ for my thesis when i go back! haha...in the end, it doesnt matter if you managed to reach your goal or not, because as long as you tried, and tried your best, there is no regret and you can move on with life..

Move on man...failing is not the same as quitting. At least you tried and you hasnt been a quitter...like me..=x

Politics...

2009-03-29T12:49:00.003+02:00

I will never do politics..

Why?

Because it's one place that you never stop getting complains, whining and criticism no matter how hard you try..

And i really hate rude criticisims...especically when it sounds like they themselves could have done it much better. It's just, 马后炮, to me no matter how i look at it. People only make noise when things go wrong, but who would have guessed right? It isn't all as simple as it seems. Just consider yourself dying from a semester with just 5-6 modules with projects and exams..politics is certainly of a much greater depth and breadth than this.

I am not pro government. I see flaws and areas that can be improved as well. But I just don't like it when people don't appreciate others who is sincerely trying to make the country grow, sincerely doing their best. The best may not be what everyone expect though, but the nature and origin is definitely one out of goodness. Politicians get pay as well. Yeah you are damn right, loads of money. So will you do it? Putting in your entire life into it? Can you do a better job? One that not a single soul in the country will complain? If not, then just freaking shut up and dont talk as if everything is screwed up and you seem to be the only enlightened one that sees the truth..

If you tell me the government is corrupted, doing things out of self interest rather than for the nation, then i will be all than willing to join in to make noise and complain. Otherwise, it just doesnt make sense to me not to appreciate all the efforts and goodwill of whoever is leading the nation. A clean and good government is not something that money can buy.

I may not know alot of things, all the so called dirty political way of winning the minds and controlling over people etc..but i see it from just a simple citizen point of view. Singapore is good enough..see it, appreciate it, otherwise just migrate to somewhere else. barking ard meaninglessly doesn't help anyone.

Nothing is perfect. So quit complaining at every little thing you can find fault with..
1,000 docs still not enough
Read the last sentence of the comment "Posted by: cliff52 at Sun Mar 29 18:17:28 SGT 2009", the top most one as of now and you might see where i am coming from..

The world of politics is simply full of skeptical people..no matter how sincere you are, once you are into politics people will just see whatever you do as a 'political tool' and forget about the real nature behind. It's not somewhere i will want to be, but i certainly respect people who are willing to brave the storm and continue doing good for the people, even when the very people they are trying to help are sometimes not even appreciative enough..

no pain, no gain.

2009-03-24T21:37:00.002+01:00

my innate believe or maybe i was just brought up that way..
'there is no free lunch'
'higher returns simply means higher risk'
If you want something you have to work for it..there is no easy way out. Or rather, the easy way out probably comes with a price..a different kind of price that you have to pay if you don't want to put in the effort.
This is so concise, so clear, that it almost seem like i am borned holding on to this notion. It's probably one of the few things that really hold true from the bottom of my heart.
I am just not a risk taker, not a gambler, not someone who will celebrate over a windfall.
It's just me i guess.
Anything that doesnt come with substantial amount of effort on my part simply means nothing to me. Maybe that's why i dont like to whine or complain. Because it doesn't really help. It's just like calling out for help, hoping that others will pity you, give you a solution or better still, solve the problem for you..
Oh well..just blattering..sometimes reading my own disorganised thoughts really awe me..lol
Time to start doing some work if i wanna enjoy my easter break without worries! roar~

step up..

2009-03-21T18:03:00.000+01:00

Came across this paragraph as i was surfing the net, trying to figure out some things i am supposed to know but i dont really know, because i haven been reading enough..haha

The current financial debacle is really not a “liquidity” crisis as it is often euphemistically called. It is a crisis of overgrowth of financial assets relative to growth of real wealth—pretty much the opposite of too little liquidity. Financial assets have grown by a large multiple of the real economy—paper exchanging for paper is now 20 times greater than exchanges of paper for real commodities. It should be no surprise that the relative value of the vastly more abundant financial assets has fallen in terms of real assets. Real wealth is concrete; financial assets are abstractions—existing real wealth carries a lien on it in the amount of future debt. The value of present real wealth is no longer sufficient to serve as a lien to guarantee the exploding debt. Consequently the debt is being devalued in terms of existing wealth. No one any longer is eager to trade real present wealth for debt even at high interest rates. This is because the debt is worth much less, not because there is not enough money or credit, or because “banks are not lending to each other” as commentators often say.

Extracted from:Herman Daly on the Credit Crisis, Financial Assets, and Real Wealth

Some thoughts during the travel brought me back to a frequent struggle of my inner self. Some stuff i can probably only talk to yanxi about, because he is the only other person that i know is in somewhat the same situation. Stuff which i already have my own answer, only to be subjected to the only constant (change) in this world.

Lotsa ideas, lotsa things that i wanna do, lotsa improvements i wanna make to my life..all the little things, which back in Singapore is simply conveniently engulfed by the enormous amount of workload. Not complaining, just thinking how to sustain such interest when i go back and face reality. There must be a way to balance quality and efficiency, work and play, ideals and realities and many other bipolarities around. I just have to find the best mix. Need some colors in my life..right now (when i was in Singapore) it's too centred around school stuff..have simply been ignoring the other little things in life, which i think i can afford to pay more attention to without much detrimental effects to my results. It's just, back to the same question...

Oh well..that aside..i am getting pay cut? Oo
Civil servants pay shrink

lolx.

Back in Manchester!

2009-03-21T01:31:00.002+01:00

Am finally back in my temporary home this semester, which Benji reckon as a 'room' rather than a home..and i cant deny..xD

But it was fun! Less all the waiting, travelling, train and flight delays, it was an enjoyable trip!

And Benji was blessed by some huge bird in venice! (what else can it be...lol..headshot. ouch. i can feel the pain even standing by the side. xD)

Lotsa thinking throughout the trip as well..and i concluded to myself that i wasnt really living my life to the fullest. hmm...too fast pace, too little quality. time to make some changes that can cater to both! =D

drink coffee and relax jack everyday..that was life in the last few days in croatia..haha..

------------------------------------------

saddening news about the departure of js's father..take care man...we are around if you need us...

blessmi..

2009-03-10T12:18:00.004+01:00

Wish me luck. Though i am not arsenal fan strictly speaking..

ROMA V ARSENAL

Arsenal fans "at risk" travelling to Stadio Olimpico

Will be back on 20th march.

learn how to learn well..

2009-03-07T00:16:00.002+01:00

Suddenly had some thoughts about what I have learnt so far...
I suppose if you ask me, i can summarise everything into 2 words:

"GENERAL KNOWLEDGE"

Yeah..that's a rather general statement but it's the best words to sum up my education so far..or rather the technical aspect of it.

Ask me about biology, geography, history, chemistry...anything that i have learnt in the past..all i can tell you is: "ya i know what is plate tectonic, i think i have heard of the Black Sunday and is the iron you talking about the FE in periodic table etc..." oh well..i cant even think of enough examples offhand to blog them down now..geez..but yea..these are what i remember..pathetic? no!

Here comes the main point..what i have really learnt is basically:

"the ABILITY to learn well"

I thought this wasnt something so obvious to everyone..especially if you are always under the disillusion that the education system is screwed and what you are learning are useless to you anyway in the future blar blar blar..Yeah true..but that's the for technical part..the bigger part of education lies on the non-technical part, which is non other than the ability to learn well..

And that ability to learn well comes from many many areas that you cant specifically teach, other than through teaching diff spectrum of these technical stuff. It comes from understanding your own strength and weaknesses, the nature of the different types of academics/practicals, exams, projects, seminars, discussions and all kinds of experience you ever had in learning...aka all the GENERAL KNOWLEDGE that i concluded just now.

知己知彼，百战不殆。

If you dont even understand yourselves, there is no way you are gonna excel in anything you do. And with that, here's some thing i observed about myself, and i know i will definitely learn well (Get A in academic terms, or simply progress very fast in learning other stuff..) when these factors are all present..

1. Serious Motivation
(can be from any source, but must be firm)
2. A clear goal
(dont be ambiguous here..)
3. Reasonably sufficient time

It's not that hard to find some clear goals that can be achieve within a reasonable time span available..what's always lacking is probably the motivation. There can be 101 reasons to why you might wanna work towards a goal..but it's all half f*** if you dont believe 100% in any of them. End up you will only be wasting 99% of the time trying to work towards that goal, only to realise at the final 1% or somewhere midway thinking..why the hell am i torturing myself so hard for anyway?

Well..some rather disorganised thoughts up there, but there is really only 1 key idea..

"Thou who doesn't waiver will succeed."

thoughts..

2009-03-05T14:59:00.003+01:00

Read js's blog..here's my thoughts on the incident..

If you believe that the society or anyone out there owes you a living..then blame them all your want..
But to me the society is just a consolidation of people like you and i..coming up with some systems that seeks to make things more organised..in any case, if you expect a perfect system again..then continue blaming more..
Some people might think that if no one complains, things will never improve. Maybe. So continue to complain all you want..
As long as you really believe that you are doing the right thing in your own definition..do whatever you like...
Just try to make informed decisions as much as possible, talk to pple, do some research, get some advise etc..otherwise you may only regret when it's too late.

You lead your own life...

There is really nothing absolutely right or wrong...

That's why some business/arts modules may seems just like bullshiting..which in fact it is because everyone is just coming up with their own ways to explain norms and trends, with models that seems so chim but actually just more crap.

Oh well..

There is no conclusion to these thoughts..really..pick out whatever you want from whatever i wrote..

bored...

nitemare...

2009-03-03T09:13:00.002+01:00

Geez..had quite a scary nitemare just now..omg...one of those that made me scream in my dreams..haven had such for quite some time le..

Snapped out of it opening my eyes to see a 'less than familiar' room..suddenly feel a tiny bit of homesickness..and didnt dare to go back to sleep for quite a while cos the images of the terrible nitemare are still stuck in my mind..And there isnt really anything much i can do to get myself out of that situation, and can only continue to lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling..=(

Probably too shag from planning my travel during the easter break yesterday nite..and sorry fu, it just doesnt make sense to my overly pragmatic mind to keep waiting for your confirmation before i plan for my own trip...as the days passes it just get more and more sian to have something that could have been well settled alot earlier to keep dragging..and hostels getting filled, air tickets rising in prices...and not to mention some exchange senior here (that i also dunno very well) giving the "really-not-obvious" and "as-if-i-dunno" kind advice that i should really quickly book my trip for easter break....kind of get put me off though it's just a gentle reminder..i just hate people telling me the obvious..lol..i am smart enough to know it...but of course i would never tell it back to them cos i am also smart enough not to spoil relationship, though i have no intend of building much here..

Arg..suddenly dont like my own practical mind...not the ideal kind of person i want to be..and far from it...haiz...

momentarily feeling down...

life in a pixel..

2009-02-28T20:41:00.002+01:00

If you ever zoom into any photos to like 1500%...you might get the same feeling as i do...

It's kinda amazing, how all the little pixels (thousands of them..) are of so many difference shades, tones and colours...while when u zoom out, it just seem like one single color making up part of the face..

In life..every small little thing counts, just like every single of those pixels, giving life and texture to the painting/photo..

Life as such is simply beautiful..

:)

Artistic feel..

2009-02-28T11:28:00.002+01:00

Whoa...cant imagine i am listening to classical music and painting at 1260% zoom, using 1 pixel paintbrush on photoshop!

And i am enjoying it!

Feel so artistic..hahaha..suddenly can relate to those hardcore (but poor) artist on TV..that always get scrutinise for not leading a normal life with a stable job. Geez..i guess you can really forget about everything else when u are engross in doing something you like.

Going back to continue my BIG PROJECT! :)

happy as can be..

2009-02-27T00:33:00.002+01:00

be satisfied with whatever you have...
be grateful to have friends around...
be glad to have freedom otherwise...
be positive in any situation...
be enjoying doing anything...
be thanking just being alive...

what else do you need to be happy about?

it's all in the mind...

there can be a thousand reasons to be sad, worried, angry, bored, depress etc..

but you dont really need a reason to be happy..

smile~ you can make your own day, and maybe others too!

my new motto:

"Enjoy every moment in life and be as happy as can be :) "

Agrr...

2009-02-25T11:25:00.002+01:00

It's been quite a while since i ever been so "angry" man...looking at the tutorial questions and thinking...what the hell! Did the lecturer even teach this? -.-'

It's seriously amazing how some of the lecturers here teach..and i must say..pls appreciate all our lecturers back in NUS..and i mean ALL! Even the worst i came across in NUS is much better than here! crap..seriously...lecture notes sux, lecturer not even really explaining, tutorial given the week of tutorial itself, and more questions than can go through during the pathetic 1 hr (and there is only 2 tutorials one semester) of tutorial, with the stupid disclaimer in the tutorial that:

'The workshops are designed so that there are more questions than time so d o not expect to cover all of the questions in the workshop. This doe s not mean that the questions that aren't covered aren't important. Rather, you should be prepared to work on them in your own time as part of your individual learning.'

and yeah...best of all..he hasnt finish teaching all that was covered in the tutorial yet..probably going to do so tomorrow, which is a late afternoon class and my tutorial is on the next day morning...total bullshit really. Seriously pity full time students here...paying the school fees for self study..literally just paying for the certificate lol..

Alright..not all lecturers are like that though..i am just being too pissed and generalising..Zzz...

ok going back to my self study tutorial..

sometimes i wonder..

2009-02-23T20:39:00.002+01:00

issit just me or...

sometimes i thought i know myself very well until i realised i was actually quite wrong..
and when such confidence have been broken once, just once..it's hard to be so sure again..

well..this is what happened when you have too much time and too little important stuff to do..

then again...what do you mean by important stuff? hmm...

freedom

2009-02-21T23:09:00.002+01:00

It's really good having the freedom and when time is on ur side...

Never felt so truly relax and have all the time in the world to do the things that i enjoy doing, though not all available in this small little room of mine..but it's cozy enough..

Shall enjoy this sense of freedom and completely stress free environment to the best i can while i can! =d

To those in singapore..Gambatte!
what i can do now is only to paint ur portraits...=D

3rd week!

2009-02-20T22:23:00.003+01:00

Officially the longest period i have stayed overseas and away from home from today onwards! Not much of a big deal though..until maybe i start to miss home? oO

I guess one thing about me i am quite certain is that i am really quite alright being on my own. In fact in some situations i would in fact prefer to be on my own. hahaha~ well, perhaps that makes joining rvnp last time quite a impt mark in my life. If not for those days that i hang around with the guys every day...i might well be a REAL loner now. I suppose it's hard, and i am not really interested in adding ppl into my comfort zone now. lolx.

But somehow i still got quite alot of frens..that's strange. haha..mayb people are jus curious why i am always antisocial and try to make fren with the 'lone' one. xD Or mayb because i dont purposely or deliberately try to socialise, that's why all the friends i have now are genuinely true friends~ =) cheers~

Suddenly remember when i was young my mum would always scold me when i throw temper and say: "you everytime throw temper next time dont have friends arh!" =S What a threat to a little kid..hahaha..but mayb that's why i have grown to be rather mild tempered ever since =D

Well..i dont really intend to change my attitude in this aspect, not because i am stubbornly anti social..haha..but simply because i seriously hate doing things for the sake of doing~ lol. networking and socialising is the best example in real life i can think of...at least for me...i dont need so many frens..really. If we are meant to be frens, we will be..somehow..haha~ xp otherwise just another acquaintance in life..dun waste time and less go maximise our own utility somewhere else. =O

Just a casual entry through my observations in a new place meeting new people and seeing how different people adapting so differently to new environment..:)

Kai Xin Jiu Hao! :) and check out my new painting of william on facebook! more fun everytime~ xD

Photoshop Painting!

2009-02-18T22:18:00.002+01:00

This is fun! hohoho..i love learning new things~

My first photoshop self portrait! =D
(And i can dye my hair for free! xD)

DeathNote..

2009-02-16T19:33:00.003+01:00

Re-read Deathnote yesterday until 2am..online of course..

For those who read it before..anyone's Kira fan? haha..or rather who believes in what Kira (Yagami Light) did?

I think the kind of bonding between Near (N) and Mellow (M) is really awsome.

人生在世百余岁, 难得知己心相连。

Sometimes ideas portrait in manga saves me alot of thinking and searching on my own..I guess it doesnt matter what you do..as long as you believe in it and have no regrets of the outcome? And more imptly, dont force others to follow if they have no intention to? Else will become like Light, totally 逊掉 at the end when he lost the 'fight'...blaming it on others' ignorance and attempting to rely on the deathnote and Ryuk (the shinigami).

Classic case of being 'too smart for your own good'. lolx.

So..what do i believe in?

Tatton Park...

2009-02-15T19:35:00.004+01:00

Deer?

Whoa more deers!

Holy...

Oh my DeEr...

Self portrait!

2009-02-14T02:20:00.005+01:00

OK I AM REALLY TOO BORED!

haha..no mood to REALLY study and since not going out at night...my boredom just builds on..

Well..anyway, at least I have time to do what I usually wouldnt do..hahaha! for the fun of it! =p

Self Portrait no.1 xD

Ok not really very nice though..hahaha! the last time i drew life portrait is like..erm..Secondary sch? or mayb JC? =S been drawing more cartoon thingy..especially during lectures! muhaha~
Ok so who wanna volunteer your photos for me to practice! xD For Free! (only at the risk of being uglified) =pP

Cheers~

At least i find more joy in doing enriching things than just playing, drinking, socialising...=pP

updates..

2009-02-12T22:36:00.003+01:00

Have been here for 2 week already. Everything's well so far i guess. Starting to get bored of the slow pace here in fact. Only good thing is there is more time to think and ponder about stuff..not that i have anything in mind now though.
I guess..i am really living up to alot of expectations..to the extent that sometimes..i do things not really because i want to but simply because i have to..
Some questions to ponder about...

Do I really need to graduate with graduate with 1st class honors?
Do I really want to?
Must exchange be only about travelling and having fun?
What's wrong with studying during exchange?
What's wrong with not travelling alot during exchange?
Do you really have to save every penny and make life so hard?
Does it really matter what I am here for?
Why is every moment of free time so precious back in SG and so redundant now?
Why bother so much when everyone live to die?
Who really have the say for what's right and what's wrong?
If you know the Earth will be destroyed before you graduate, will you still be studying now?
What if it's 10 years later? or 100 years later? what difference will it make to your behavior now?
Are you bothered by uncertainties? But if everything is certain then there shldn't be any motivation to do anything isnt it?
Why do some people only regret when it's too late?
Why cant people think before they act?
Does following your heart definitely brings you to the 'right' path?
Is staying happy the only concern in life?
How do you measure your own utility from whatever you do?
Is it really so complex that we can only follow what other people do and assume that it's the best given law or natural selection or what not?
Can we seat down, think and come to an answer about what we should really do in our limited lifespan?
Maybe most people die before they find an answer?
So if you get to live forever? Will that change the purpose in life? Or will there be no purpose in life?
Is life precious simply because it doesn't last forever?
Should we think as an individual or for our future generations as well?
What does it really mean by live like there is no tomorrow?
Why am I so bored now?
Why is there work and readings but no mood?
Is there anything that I want to do now?

I think i am lost...for a moment..lost for a true purpose in life.
What is life really about in the long run, until we are all dead, since we are all gonna die one day?

Frisby!

2009-02-10T22:42:00.002+01:00

Alright..actually i realise i do have time to blog.haha..cant be studying whole day? can i? lol..not during exchange i guess..hahaha! just need to make sure i understand everything that's taught and not totally waste my time here. :)

Anyway, just came back from a game of frisby..erm..at 8pm? with some (or rather quite a lot) of ppl from singapore society here. ok mayb frisby isnt really my kind of game..but apparently hard to find basketball here! xD But all that said..it still feels kinda good to run around and do some exercise! (note: no sweating was involve...sweating mechanism is not required in this atmosphere of less than 10 degrees even indoors..lol

And arh..hopefully can settle all the travelling plans soon so that i have something to look forward to while mugging during the other days! muhaha..pray that i have enough money though..xD

cheers~

OMFG

2009-02-09T00:30:00.004+01:00

Geez..i think wouldnt have so much time to blog liao...(Jun dont think i am so free! =S)

Insane loads of readings + crappy lecturers that dont really teach + 6 modules + lacking the pre req for all of my modules (though only 3 of them seems to be really needing the pre req..shld i be glad? =x)

Oh well..I guess I should be able to cope..haha..am just abit overwhelmed coming back from Lake today with so much readings waiting for me! and most of it needed for monday (tml!) lesson! o.O

haha, anyway..videos! and some photos from town of bowness and ambleside @ Lake District!!

More available on facebook! =D

AntiSocial?

2009-02-06T23:49:00.002+01:00

sometimes i will just say i am anti social as a convenient and direct excuse for not joining certain activities that i am not interested in..so does that make me really anti social? =O

i guess sometimes i just prefer to do things on my own..

sometimes i am really not interested...

and i dont like to 应酬 people unless there is a real need to..

plus i kinda dislike noise and crowd (i.e. clubbing..lol)

also i have my own ways of experiencing things (and not experiencing certain things like drinking)..

most importantly i think, if i keep making new friends, what will become of my good old friends! There is only so much time you have, how many real friendship can you maintain? And rather than feeling sad for not keeping in touch in future, might as well dont bother to build it in the first place.

Hahaha..another of my screwed theory. Of course i know the flip side like all the benefits and reasons for making as many friends, even if it is just aquaintance, as possible. But i am just a stubborn kid with my own beliefs..=p

and i am really happier doing things on my own! Less trouble, more convenient. keke. so i guess there is nth wrong! mUHAHA..

lalala..

A thought a day..

2009-02-05T09:37:00.003+01:00

It's amazing how too much free time can change a person..even one like me...
Had been reading novels that I NEVER really do back in Singapore..and now i am actually reading StraitsTimes Online! =O

I sense i will need a pair of mugger specs soon..xD

Anyway, came across this article titled "Give temporary aid to jobless". Seriously, should we? hmm..i guess governing a nation is really not easy, and i can probably understand why the government do some of the things they do which may seem unreasonable to others. Not that I am really pro government (though i shld be..xD). Anyway shall not talk too specifically, just sharing my broad view of this idea of 'unemployment benefits' (yea economics~=p)

I guess the most difficult part of all kinds of benefits is the risk of it being abuse. And i certainly do not think it's fair when some people start to abuse these benefits while others are working hard to pay tax and feed these abusers...supposedly the government also face this dilemma, of how to put the tax payers' money into good use that maximise benefits for all.

Well i guess putting a $ or duration cap to these benefits is the most obvious way, stating clearly how long these benefits will last and if beyond that you still cant find a job then sorry, the gov cant feed you forever. Geez that sounds kinda harsh but it's the harsh reality~ Then the problem will be how long then, shld be a reasonable length of these benefits? And further, it is kind of impossible to achieve full employment in a society given certain amount of natural rate due to structural/frictional unemployment. So what will happen to these people who perpectually cant seem to find a job even if they are trying? And how to ensure that they are REALLY trying? hmm..

Then there are also things like training allowance, that's suppose to alleviate some of these unemployment due to skills mismatch. It's defintely good to learn something new, but how much does it help anyway if the industry isnt demanding extra labor at all? Perhaps the effect will come in later, when the economy recovers, but meanwhile can these people survive on skills upgrading courses? Don't really know the exact specifics (think there is $600 training allowance or something) so shall just leave it as a ??.

hMm..I suppose the best that can be done is to pray that the economy recovers soon! Not being negative or what, but i guess it's not possible to be helping every single unemployed person in the long run, while trying to maintain the same standard of living. Either EVERYONE compromise on a lower standard of living and share the love with people who aint earning...or let those poorer guys starve. hmm..sounds like communism..haha..is that fair? in both way? i guess that's why governing is hard...because different people expect different treatment and different degree/form of equality.

Alright starting to get lost in my own words..need better organisation of tots if it had been an essay to be graded..hahaha! but it's just blogging random tots =p

Angels & Demons

2009-02-04T10:34:00.005+01:00

by Dan Brown

The second book I finished reading in my life! From the first page all the way to the last! Cheers~

Ok it's not any new book and some of you might have already read it. But just a simple summary for those who didn't!

It is basically a story about the conflict between science and religion. The entire story in the book happened within 1 day, with the canister of antimatter (ask jh abt it..) was stolen from CERN and a series of actions to retrieve it within 24hrs before it 'explodes'. Riddles and more riddles by the ancient secret brotherhood illuminati, supposedly made up of brightest scientists/archis all over the world, was being uncovered in the quest of finding the antimatter canister that was hidden somewhere in Vatican..

I LOVE the book! Not many book can keep me reading beyond the first 10 pages but this one definitely did, with all the twist and suspence factors that makes you want to read on! That's why I dont want to narrate too much in the summary so that those who have not read this book before can go and pick up a copy! Definitely worth the time reading, and considering it from someone who don't really enjoy reading, it has to be damn good! :D

The suspence is amazing, and the twist is godly! In fact, this book somehow really manage to integrate Science and Religion in a way I did not think of before. As a typical freethinker like me, most kind of religion around did really interest me a single bit. But the book manage to put it is such a logical way that somehow it makes abit more sense! Perhaps is the unbias attitude and style of writing that makes religion suddenly more acceptable to me.

From my own point of view..
It doesnt matter whether you are a catholic, buddhist, taoist of whatsoever, religion is simply about a firm belief. Though it doesnt mean that when u belief strongly in something that thing will definitely come true, the belief indeed gives mental strength and confidence to move on against the tides. Drawing from the book (but not direct quote cos i cant find the exact paragraph xD), 'as you pray, meditate or focus on something real hard and believe in it, the mind will suddenly clear as your usually inactive part of the brain gets activated momentarily...this is when you see light in religious term, something that you actually knew but din realise before..'

I am still a more scientific person, but i dont really reject any religion. Still consider myself as a freethinker simply because there isnt anything that i can really firmly believe in as of now, maybe except in my 'beyondalltalents - genius of hardwork' theory. haha..can refer to the 1st and 2nd entries in this blog if you have no idea what is it about~ but it's quite self explanatory anyway =)

The joy of reading..i suddenly feel it..how true reading can really widen your horizon and expose you to things you never thought of before. These are really the kind of books I like to read..books that you really can learn something from..some comics have this effect too! =p
Cheers~

First day of school!

2009-02-02T20:11:00.003+01:00

Alright! I guess there is no need to print notes for lectures anymore! muhaha..self study sounds reasonably good to me, the perfect way of education! =p

Here's the real deal! Heavy Snow Realtime Footage!!
(Thanks and sorry to JH's camera for weathering the snow with me =Pp)

Yeah trip for this weekend!

Sat - Barclays Premier League MCFC v Middlebrough
Sun - Lake district visiting Aira Force waterfall and Ambleside

Cheers~

SNOW!

2009-02-01T16:55:00.003+01:00

SNOW! REAL SNOW!
(first time in my life! haha)

Right, realtime snowing, taken from inside the library. Not very heavy though...but IT'S REAL SNOW! Haha.

Oh well, printing is expensive here..5pences per page..which is like more than 10 cents per page! OMG...can I survive without printing notes? hmm...let's decide after attending first few lessons tml! =p

And ya..manchester coin system below..still have a hard time trying to figure them out because
they dont really follow any size or pattern order..xD

(From 1 pound on the left to 1 penny (0.01pound) on the right!)

Staticcccccccccccccccccccccccc...

2009-01-31T22:07:00.002+01:00

OmG! Just realise my entire body, shirt, pants, coat etc are full of static! Geez..cold weather generate more electrons? JH can u explain this? haha..

And ya..learnt somethng today. UK people are erm...slacker? They all close shop on saturday before 7pm! OMG...almost cant find dinner just now at 715pm! agr..end up have to eat the super expensive burgerking! CRAP! And they have wierd queue-ing system. Took a while to realise where's the queue..becos the cashier will take 5 orders and then disappear to prepare the orders..then come out again to take a few more orders...=xX..

Anyway, just met 2 of my direct neighbours (knocked on their doors to say hi~ friendly xD)! The room on the left and the right! haha..one music student one chemistry student. hoho..oh well, at least feel abit better to know who's living in the same flat. Else will be super wierd and awkward. =pP

As the cold wind blows..

2009-01-30T22:30:00.003+01:00

Whoa...almost froze to death on my way to meet some new frens for dinner. OMG! Was literally freezing~ shld have taken the bus..-.-'' but well, saved 1 pound and got a lifetime experience of what it's like on the verge of being frozen to death (at least to me).
The wind was blowing towards me like it has never taken any heat before. Almost thought my hands and ears would be frozen and fall off. -.-'' literally taking away the entire of my body heat..or wad's left of it.
Alright, another reason to love singapore and cherish life abit more. whaha.
Never underestimate the cold wind..

"As the cold wind blows..."

Chillz...(literally)

Most people went clubbing..but i shall be antisocial and read my storybook in my room. haha. clubbing is just not my cup of tea (or liquor). lol, singapore or manchester alike..=X

Day 1 @ manchester

2009-01-30T17:35:00.004+01:00

THanks To All Who Came to Send Me off!

Just one Random Photo for now! :)

A tiring day. Ended in 'agony' for not being able to get online at the end of the day. Hopefully something can be done about it tml, otherwise it will be be followed with a boring weekend. Geez..Know how important internet is! xD

A cold day. Forced to surrender to the bone-chiding wind. Cold..even the room is like permanent on air conditioning...while a small breeze outdoor can really go deep down the spine..XD Have to be more prepared tml!

A smooth day. Everything went rather well without much unexpected delays or surprises. 3 cheers! Quite glad that i decided not to cook even before arriving, because the state of the kitchen really isnt that appealing. keke..A few more things to find out before being able to fully settle down. i.e. where the washing machine, where the mail box, where the Post Office and who are the ppl staying ard me!!! TOO tired to find out today. xD

*Copied from notepad Yesterday~ Today's update will come later~
Just managed to get online =p

团圆饭

2009-01-27T14:41:00.002+01:00

Am watching channel 8 TV series 团圆饭 now...Simply reaffirms what I always been thinking.

Somehow, watching this show gives a different feeling as compared to watching most other typically show. The bad guys are not really that bad in this show. Rather, they are able to reflect and ponder about their mistakes, which gives a kind of feeling that things will defintely turn for the better.

Alright, I suppose most shows eventually have a happy ending, and if you observe, it's always because the bad guys start to reflect and remorse abt their wrong doings in the past and determined to change for the better...(or they get caught by the police and forced to reflect =D)

Oh well..it just illustrates how important it is to constantly reflect about ur own doing. Very often people only do so when things get seriously hay wired..

Let's reflect about what we do more often and constantly improve our own doings! :)

Happy Chinese New Year!

2009-01-26T19:24:00.001+01:00

HAPPY CNY PPLE!

Lotsa Red Packet Before I leave for Manchester! Gan Dongx...even during recession times..:D

I think my body is tuning to UK time automatically already. Not sleepy at 225am..haha..mayb because lotsa lame show to watch so at least not so bored. Hmm..wonder what's there to kill time over at UK at nite. Hopefully can finish reading the 2 books jun lent me. haha. Then will be the 2nd and 3rd i complete in my life! Yea! No joke..if you dont count fairy tales that kind of kiddy hard cover book and literature txtbk, the only novel i really finished reading is only THE SPHERE by Michael Crichton. =p All the book reviews during secondary school time smoke through one. Basically i hate reading. =x

Alright..so one of the aims for this exchange will be to pick up the habit of reading! =D
Cheers~

Counting Down!

2009-01-25T14:08:00.001+01:00

3 more days before flying over to Manchester! Abit excited and nervous, but above all, it's probably a good chance to be independent.

Gotta take this opportunity to think through some stuff, explore a few more places outside Singapore. The furthest I am gonna travel ever in my 22 years in life!

Should be updating this old and rusty blog more often when i am overseas. So STAY TUNE for more updates! :)

Hopefully I can come back a more matured person and sort out some of my 'skewed' mentality. -keke xD

So far so...as usual?

2008-07-11T16:24:00.000+02:00

hoho..i must say last week was quite fulfilling? hehe..helped in CAC camp followed by NVAC camp! time passes fast and well spent i think~
CAC camp..was literally in the van most of the time..haha..nth much to talk about oso. But at least i think everything went ok~! and got to know a few more pple oso. haha =)
NVAC CAMP! Juxtapose! my HuangDi group! Cheers! I guess it's really more fun when u go to a camp with ppl you know~ More open to zi high and do crazy things..lol~ Anyway not that crazy oso..haha..but it was fun! of course got to know more pple as well! That's the whole point of joining camps isnt it! =)
shall not blog about unhappy stuff..haha..just the usual things that doesnt change..=x
Cheers~ School starting soon! busy busy~ haha..but not with school work! xD

And i shall always remember this~

VOLUNTEERS ARE AMAZING PPLE! =)

FreeThinking...

2008-05-24T19:04:00.000+02:00

aiyz..issit me or issit life...
why issit, when i am suppose to be doing things i like, just have unecessary disturbance/stress from within and without..
why issit, when pple are nice to me, i will take a step back, and when pple are not helpful at all..i will feel irritated..
why issit, that pride only mean unecessary expectations and stress..
why issit, that hols doesnt feel like hols in secondary sch days anymore...

something about myself...
i think i am better off as a follower than a leader...
jun sucks at making decisions, i am good at it...
but there is only one type of decision that i am good at making..
"it's always easier to do everything myself than to bother to ask pple to do..."

Random stuff...
why is jh still leveling faster than me when he is 30+ lvl higher than me..-.-''
why did i agree to be the pd last october...
why cant i let got of all the expectations and more expectations in my life...
why...when i feel very strongly about something...that feeling is no longer reliable now...
why am i writing all these crap..

Am i too bored having no work to do this hols? not at all...in fact i rather job agencies dun call me up now...every wed and sat is enuff work and worries for me already...

mayb no one is expecting anything from me...

i think it's just myself....

cant wait to find someone better to take over me...

or rather, to quote from L "no matter how good you are, one person alone cannot change the world.." and i am not even close to trying to change the world...

if i see a shooting star now, there is just one wish in my mind...

"hope i dont be the one to end the 11 yrs for nvac volunteering at imh..."

lolxX..

zero motivation...100% mental fatique...

timeout

2008-04-29T16:11:00.000+02:00

Whoa...need to take a breather after 2 consecutive papers! Lucky the next one is 3 days away.phew.
So far so good i guess..
Well, think i am starting to dread the last day of exam! The feeling of emptiness. What awaits is not slack and relax but probably work (if i can find one) and more work (volunteer work at IMH..tonnes of planning waiting..) -.-''
Oh well..mayb i should just take it easy..hmm..hopefully wun be more stress during hols than during sch days! lolX! What are the chances???
Crap..what kind of life is this!! OMG...we really should find more time to take a break~ (mahjong? kbox? dinner?) After the 8th May though..whaha!
3 more papers to go! oosh!

自己的节拍

2008-04-01T18:14:00.000+02:00

been living in other people's expectations...explicitly or implicitly.
it's time to find my own tempo in life..
how stupid it may sound, i truly think that we shldnt jaywalk even when there is obviously no traffic...i really think that result doesnt matter..(blar blar blar..)
can i stand by my own believes and set my own tempo..
i think i can...and i always believe so...until it involve pple other than myself. that's when uncertainties arise. i dont like uncertainties.
i think i am better off on my own.

p.s. the above content is not totally as it may seem...interpretation without prior understanding of situation will result in undesired misunderstanding.
hint: just read and forget it

A period of uncertainty...

2008-03-15T06:02:00.000+01:00

Bewildered..

Going round and round and always coming back to the same conclusion..
Maybe thinking, pondering and beating around the bush is my way of slowing down and waiting for the others. Because there is really no joy in reaching the destination alone.

but...

Let's quit all the wishy washy and half hearted attitude!
MOVE ON! You are not beaten until you give up!

slowly finding the path amongst the mist..

Beyond All Talents - The Art of Balance

2008-03-02T14:06:00.000+01:00

The art of balance simply translate into sustainability. However great one may be, i dont think he/she can give endlessly without taking a break or without any returns. Returns can be of many forms though. For some a simple 'Thank You' or a 'smile' may be very well enough, while others may expect a little more.
As previously quoted, 卧龙潜伏，只为了一飞冲天。休息是为了走更长远的路。
Resting is not the same as slacking and slacking may not be exactly bad at all. At least for me, the longer i slacked, the greater the urge and efficiency i will find in doing work later. Can take it as a form of storing energy i guess - 储精蓄锐。
No matter how committed you think you are, or how capable you might be, or even how much stress and responsibility you are getting from work or things around you, rest well. Because it is an art to balance work and rest. An art of sustainability. And definitely an art towards success in the long run.

I think i have rested enough, time to move on.

NEED to, CAN do and WANT to...

2008-02-27T13:55:00.000+01:00

需要做的，能做的和想做的。

How often in life are we doing something that we need to do, can do and want to do? Very often, it is really more of need than want, whilst whether we can or not is a separate issue.
What will be your choice if there is only one thing you can do?
Will you do something that...
(1) you need to because of some requirement/expectation of the society??
(2) you can do and it is a waste of your talent/chance if you don't??
(3) you want to do simply because you derive happiness out of it??
You might say that if you cannot do it there is no point talking about whether you need to or want to. But the meaning of CAN do here is more for exceptional achievements that not everyone CAN accomplish, given either your special talent/opportunity.
How wonderful would it be if the NEED is something that you CAN and WANT to do.

I have always been aligning the needs to my wants, while 'cannot' hasn't really come into the picture yet...but it seemed to be getting harder and harder to achieve the equilibrium..

L - Changed the World

2008-02-25T15:33:00.000+01:00

*Spoilers Alert*
*But it's still worth watching even with spoilers*

"No matter how gifted you are, you cannot change the world alone." - L.

More sendimental and less investigative than expected. But the overall feel is good. =D

Movie really brings people out of reality, even for just few moments.

Nice show.