Chapter 1: The Tragedy of Evolution

**Disclaimer**
90% of the art in this chapter are not my own (from google image search and random sources). Merely doing photoshop edits while trying to craft my story out of them.
Basically only the winged devil is 100% my work..lolx..my devil despair..hoho..

Maybe i am just too free for now..but i thought it would be nice to express my own world view in my favourite art form - manga! This first chapter is just an intro..so i decided not to draw too much and photoshopped images instead. Also trying to see how it will turn out before putting my pencils on the real deal..xd

I am not even sure if i can make out a next chapter with just pure drawing though..let's see how it goes..and it's gonna be a lifelong endeavour! (amidst studies and work etc.. xD)

blessmi.

Quote

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

Maya Angelou
US author & poet

If i were to modify it abit..it goes:

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it - and have faith.

Kinda goes well with the way my mind works. just lacking the faith to prevent the cyclicality of my thoughts though.

Still too immature.

lol.

decisions..

i wonder if you can make decisions with your heart..in another words follow your heart.

i suppose it comes with a price though, such as the lost of rationality for optimal outcome.

but then again, it depends on what you regard as 'optimal' in life. some may feel that to be able to follow your heart and do whatever you feel like doing is already an optimal thing. while happy or not is another thing altogether, at least you wouldnt regret, or would you?

what is regret anyway? you can regret upon almost anything isn't it? even if u follow ur heart you might well regret why you din follow your rational thoughts, and vice versa. there's just no way to eliminate possibility of regrets later..or is there?

the way i am seeing it now, is simply to make your decisions bearing all the foreseeable consequences in mind. even if you are doing so with your heart, it doesnt hurt adding a tinge of rationally to analyse the drawbacks of your decisions. if it's a go ahead regardless, then you have no reason to regret because you already decided against regretting before you embark.

now then, being able to think rationally is definitely not a bad thing. because rationality allows you to see a clearer picture of things. that being said, you dont really have to act rationally though, because rational thinking is just part of decision making process, and there are intangibles beyond rationality that might be worth considerations.

hmm..oh well..am i trying to rationalise irrationality here? =x

i think i am probably naturally suited to do philo, instead of business. erpz..then again my rationality seemed to served me well in business so far though. yet i simply hate socialising, so it's all wrong afterall. oh well, there is nothing to regret about though, coz i chose business knowing that i am not suited for it, simply becoz it seemed the slackest and most general thing NUS can offer..at least to me. haha.

i feel i am thinking..or perhaps i think i am feeling it..hmm..

interesting.

dark and light..

just thinking...

whenever you have light, it's natural there will be shadows casted on the dark side. so, if you are a person, how can you remain free from these shadows (the dark side of urself)? hmm..well..basically you can either stay away from the light completely and isolate urself from everything..or you can simply adapt and try to be 'transparent'?

put it differently, it's either you stay isolated or stay indifferent.

isolation conforms to escapism though, as you simply avoid what you dont like. while being indifferent is probably not that easy either.

hmm...i think i have always tried to be indifferent, but occasionally retreats to isolation when there is simply too much to take. guess it's all about experience. i might think alot but that doesnt mean i see alot or understand any of them.

i guess it's still too early for me to throw myself into complete darkness..if there is even one that is.

let's just live on the way it is..and see what may come up next..

life goes on, even if i haven found my answer yet..

time to do some work...tomorrow..=p

Humans..

..are so going to drive themselves to extinction...together with every other life-form on Earth..

for now i am quite certain about that.

Every single human being is selfish..

Get the best out for urself, even if it means ripping off every single person/thing around you..

only humans can even think of the word 'leverage'..right, and i am actually learning when to leverage another company in supply chain management.

crap..

so far, i hasnt seen a single human, and i really mean not a single soul, that can put their own self interest aside, and spare some thoughts for others, for other things..

it's either just about having fun, gaining advantage, making use, leveraging, cant be bothered blar blar blar all around...

Like how my neighbours are blasting some movie, talking so loudly now..that i cant really sleep in peace though i am quite shag from reading 'Liar Game' almost the whole day today..

And that was just an insignificant example of what i am feeling from many other things right now..

Sometimes it's just sickening how self centered and interest driven people can be..which is why i prefer to do thing alone. The less human contact the better for me. For i can only see the dark side of human nature...awful stuff to me..perhaps just natural to others though.

And for that matter, i dont like to make friends. for soft and weak personality of mine will only end up being made used of...and now even people i dont even know is trying to leverage from my 'kindness'. crap.

How screwed can humans be...little things in life...is personal satisfaction the only purpose to everyone? if that's the case then humans may well just all die and be extinct. for even a dog knows how to appreciate, and they genuinely do, not just through words...

It doesnt do any good to be too smart..being too smart for your own good. if being smart means knowing how to stay happy all the while...then i am probably an idiot. coz i am too easily irritated and bewildered by people around me...

humans being social creatures eh? i guess it is just a mean of making use of one another to achieve your own satisfaction..

and i really feel it sucks to be human as i am typing this now...

humans are hopeless..at least from my experience so far that is.

let's all just go to hell together...maybe at least Earth will be a better place.

lol.

Back to school?

Hmm...i wonder if i can say that. oh well..i guess slack school is still considered school? haha

didnt have any 'revelation' this time..or maybe i just decided that whatever i might decide in one instant may easier be overridden by something else a while later, or in some other circumstances..making it quite meaningless in a sense.

no point being so sure about something you know that's gonna be changed afterall..and my own thoughts and feelings seem to just fall right for that.

anyway, some short clips i took along the trip..

At Lisbon (Portugal)

At Madrid (Spain)

Cant be sure about most things in life, even your own blattering, feelings and thoughts. But shall try to make the best out of all these uncertainties. Let's just live the day as life goes on..

simple, enriching and meaningful life is just what i need. :)

cheers~

Easter Break time!

Going to Lisbon tomorrow larh!

Cheers~

Coming back on the 18th Apr.

Good luck to all chionging deadlines!

*i honestly quite miss the kind of life back in SG, where you dont need to worry about not having anything to do and sleeping more than enough is a luxury. :x*

cheers~

i agree..

Politics? Not for me

incomplete...

i have been thinking every night since i came to manchester. while i have the time and freedom from work and stress, i would really like to figure out what is life about, and what i am lacking to complete it. but the more i think, the further i seem to get from the 'answer'. is there really 'one' answer? i wonder. maybe, maybe not. does it matter? i wonder.

if life is just about the times when you are alive, it seems too shallow for me.

if life is more than your own era and stretches to your future generations, it begins to get too ambiguous and far fetch for me.

if life is just about yourself, it appears too selfish to me.

if life emcompasses people close to you, it becomes too difficult to me.

how should i define my life? i wonder. there are so much uncertainties, yet there is one thing i am so sure about. i have to move on, we all have to move on. time wait for no one.

life goes on.

i hope i can really sort out some stuff before i go back to singapore. i dont like to live a day-to-day live without knowing what i am doing. the time here shall not be wasted. though i cant accomplish anything substantial here, i will, at least, return with a clearer, wiser mind.

Fools' Day...

Stupid fire alarm rang 4 times in the past 30 hours...and at gay timings of 2am, 10pm, 5am and 630am...-.-'''
But I wasnt really quite irritated though..for various reasons..especially when you really have nothing important or even much not important stuff to do the next day..sleep was just mandatory, and some disturbance to it became forgiven easily. And i finally got to see every one in my flat! and in fact many other people in the same building..even one guy from the neighbouring block who woke up and came down to join the fun..lol..
Some april fool joke by the faulty alarm in one of the flat i suppose..

And I cant help myself from looking back while reading jh's emo blog..the only one time so far that i gave up a dream of mine. But i am not regretting though, since quitting the bball team was inevitable at that time, and i was convinced enough to do it then. Just wonder how my life would be very different if i had chosen to walk on that path...alone. I guess at least i made up for it as i promised to myself. Made full use of the time that i was supposed to be on the court on many other meaningful things like NVAC projects - SANG KHEM, IMHope, CON AMORE, JUXTAPOSE, or even helping out slightly in CAC camp..and of course all the mugging that jh deem as 'inhuman' concentration? hmm..i think if competitive bball has still been part of my uni life, it would be my priority and i would probably be at the court more than in the library bah. Well to be more specific, I think this determination comes simply from 'not wanting to have any regrets'? I din wanna regret quiting, so i made sure i fully utilize whatever extra time that came out from it...I din wanna regret doing the stupid special sem, so i made sure i pull my grades back to my desired level...I din wanna regret at the end of 4 yrs, going to work everyday thinking that i could have gotten a few hundred $ more each month if i have studied harder, so i am gonna make sure i get A+ for my thesis when i go back! haha...in the end, it doesnt matter if you managed to reach your goal or not, because as long as you tried, and tried your best, there is no regret and you can move on with life..

Move on man...failing is not the same as quitting. At least you tried and you hasnt been a quitter...like me..=x