Freedom, Peace, Appreciation...

What kind of life do i want? Sometimes i wonder...and so far most of the time i chose to stay put with my current way of life. Hanging out with frens, doing meaningful work, having random commitments when i feel like it, enjoying studying in the library every now and then, no obligations to do things that i dont feel like doing, no expectations that is too much for me to handle..just purely...relaxing..

Maybe it's the kind of conflict that yon in shamanking faces...the kind of person that just wanna slack and enjoy life having to handle such big responsibilities..

But my life is still incomplete..and i was telling js that come yr4 mayb everyone will start scrambling and panicking for still being single..lol..less those that have always been trying hard. haha. good luck! :)

I am probably scare of stepping out of my comfort zone bah..or perhaps just the kind of dont wanna make the same 'mistake' ever again feeling..or mayb i am trying to 'pay off' my bad kharma first..haha..but that sounds kinda too cool for me. lolx.

Anyway..i suppose the most impt thing for now is to find someone to hand over my IMHope stuff to! hahaha! Any interested person reading my blog now? lolx..

Next sem..should be able to be 120% focus..woosh...let me get my 6A+ first...=D

One life..live it the way you want! No looking back, no regrets, no emos! Be glad you are alive, appreciate what you can do and enjoy what you are doing! :)

Chalet!

Just came back from IMHope chalet~ ok..that was like 12 hrs ago..haha..cos just woke up not long ago..=p

I thought it was fun! Though i din really planned any activities except the bbq food, i am glad that everyone were able to entertain themselves quite well! whaha..that's one reason why i like to hang out with all my volunteer frens~ :)

Alright..next few weeks shld be quite relax bah..only bidding and some helping out here and there..keke..nothing much i need to take charge of for a while (unless session resumes :O). But either way probably some time to take things easy~ lalala..before school starts again!! =O

Bidding bidding...it's round 1A today! dont forget guys! lolx.

cheers~

think in another way...

i need the world...or at least the part of it that is around me.

i guess there is just so many reasons you can think of...but ultimately, the only truthful one is none other than everything for yourselves.

think about doing everything for yourselves. especially if you are 'giving' or 'volunteering'. no matter what you do, you are not doing for free. if you feel good from doing something, then you are gaining too.

i guess i have been too indulge in the act of 'giving' and 'helping'..so much so that i forgot i am a human too.

休息是为了走更长远的路。

i think i said this before. sometimes we really need to take a break and reflect upon what we are doing/ have been doing...

feeling the motivation and the soul of my life back again...this time i shall handle them with care. haha..shall not abuse myself anymore. =o

cheers..

late night entry. cant sleep. but feeling refresh. :)

i dont like this feeling..

the world can do without me..

just let it be..

shall find a new way to lead my life...

ultimately in life...

i want to be able to do as i wish without needing the help of anyone.

right now i am happy with what i am doing...just that sometimes asking people to help can be quite difficult.

dont like the feeling of 'i owe you something' because you are helping. dont like to 'force' ppl to do things. hate it when it seems like it is my responsibility to do certain things. hate it when i am taken for granted just because i am always taking the initiative.

shall try to involve myself less in doing things that need people to help. then i will never need to expect anything from anyone.

towards complete independence! woosh!

As weak as ever...

Ultimately...still beaten...by my own expectations..

Some comments just get into me, even if unintended....

At least it just proven my own philosophy...there is no point forcing or even attempting to psycho people to do what they dont like...even if they do out of obligation or what not...no one will be happy..

Suan le..i am tired too...it's so much easier to live life on my own...

Shall not repeat the same thing more than once ever again...if no one is interested, then why bother...lolx.

Days ahead...

hmm...i suppose this holiday is reasonable packed for me. somewhat, the right amount of things to do? haha. good or bad, but probably because there is no IMH session on saturdays for the time being due to H1N1, else i will probably be 'overloaded' again as usual. =o

speaking of still being the same in the previous entry..mayb i did change abit. i think i am able to see myself from a 3rd person point of view better now. such that i know when to take a break, when to work, when to slack, when to volunteer and more importantly when to say no. haha. earlier on, i only know how to say no to drinking, smoking, jaywalking and downloading. lolx. things that are 'wrong' to me. anything that i feel is 'right' and 'meaningful' i will never say no, unless i really cannot make it.

i think the best thing i learnt from my stay in manchester is to appreciate what i get to do back in singapore. and for that, i seem to be able to balance my life abit better now. hope this kinda feeling will last, and not disappear when school starts and work piles. haha.

can i sustain this stressless feeling of delicate balance between work and life? next sem will be the true test. ;)

cheers~

The same old feeling...

Hmm...seems like i haven really grown up much since before i went for exchange.

Getting the same old feeling of sian-ness after certain amount of work and 'self-irritation' when things doesnt go smoothly.

Perhaps it's really the situation that shapes one's feelings and emotions. It's a familiar feeling, and i cant seem to get rid of it completely no matter how much i dont like it. I know it will come and go, but is it really impossible for it not to come at all? hmm...

Work-life balance..there seem to be a missing element still. I did work, i did play, so what's lacking that still makes me feel so empty at times..=x

I wonder..maybe i really just need a simpler life without so much involvement. Sometimes the more you do, the more you feel it could have been done without you. Back in manchester i was really almost free of any sort of involvements/commitments..while i feel bored at times, at least i am really free of worries. Life was utterly simple. eat, sleep, dota. lolx. meaningless survival, but at least i am living in peace.

Not complaining or anything. just thinking. the same question as always. what do i really want in my life. i can achieve a lot of things, but do i really want to? am i missing out some other impt things while doing what i am doing now? hmm...a tough question as usual. maybe i should live a period free of commitments in singapore and see if that's what i want. since back in manchester i cant do much even with the abundance free time. here at least i might be able to find more meaning for myself if i free up some time and energy.

hmm...