not such a pleasant day...

Arg..elearning week..but i am not learning the modules..lol..

Screw ups in life:
1) Failed my first bike lesson this morning..-.-''
2) Think i lost my driving license..dunno when but I cant find it and dont even remember the last time using it...

Craps..

And i realised..or rather was reminded by myself that...although i passed my driving in one try..i actually had more lessons and spent more money under private instructor than some people who learn in school..hmm..i guess i aint really mechanically inclined..lolx. so glad i wasnt in engine..haha

geees..need to set aside more money for bike lesson i guess..hopefully pass le make new license wun lose again? =o

Just feel quite sian now..it's sad when you are stuck with certain harsh reality in life..as a matter of fact..i am really just learning bike for 'fun' and to gain a new skill that might come in handy next time..but the fact that every practical lesson cost money..and every lesson is 'graded' pass or fail..somehow the fun begin to turn into a sucky feeling...and of course..failing the very first lesson when most people wldnt have problem with doesnt really help..=/

It's all in the mind..just enjoy the process..if it's that easy this issue wldnt have bothered me for so long..

life if full of constraints and limitations..if i have unlimited money to throw into the lessons..or unlimited free time to take lessons..or more extreme even if i crash also wldnt injure..maybe i can really enjoy the whole process of learning more readily..

Despite the seemingly smooth and 'successful' life I have so far...my mind i really weak..no matter how much i try to convince myself that there is no point feeling angry or upset over unpleasant things sometimes...there is just no way to curb these feelings..

Or maybe..trying to use the mind to convince the heart is a wrong move altogether..

So then..how can you develop a strong mind and a firm heart?

Really kinda hate some of the negative emotions that really screws up people life..u can actually feel so sian over such a small thing like failing a bike LESSON when it's just cost at most a weekday kbox session..and misplacing the driving license when i dun even usually bring it out or use it..

I guess it all boils down to expectation...when things that you dont expect to happen happen..u just get irritated..blame others, blame the society...but most of the time you take half the blame for conforming. No one points a knife at you and force you to conform to these expectations..they just, reward you for conforming..it's you yourself that is greedy and fall for higher and higher expectations..

And the sad thing is..knowing all these..we are still doing it and getting ourselves pissed off for not achieving..

damn...